An ACL Journal: Connection Is Not a Credential

How I chose my ACL surgeon when skill alone was not enough

Vetting the Surgeon and Deciphering Individual Philosophy

A little under a week until surgery.

I met with three different orthopedic surgeons. The goal was to find the best. When I say the best, I mean reputable, with tangible outcomes, real reviews, and a high volume of ACL surgeries performed each week.

But also something harder to quantify.

Connection.

In a field of intensely intelligent human beings, some would say magic workers, there are vast differences in philosophy from person to person, even when they perform the exact same surgery. It always comes back to the person experiencing the surgery and the trust required to make the most capable decision.

No matter how incredibly smart, talented, or credentialed someone is, you still have decisions to make that must align with your own philosophy, even when you are not the expert.

That is a confusing thing to digest.

It is easy to ante out the decision making and avoid the fear of making the wrong choice.

Trust the gut.
More importantly, trust yourself.

You are the expert on you.
I am the expert on me. Period.

When I thought about my goals for a surgeon, I was not just thinking about credentials. I cared about how they realistically framed recovery timelines, how they viewed progress, and where they landed on the spectrum between aggressive and conservative post-op physical therapy.

I wanted alignment.

Not just skill, but philosophy.
Personality.
Bedside manner.
Passion.
Thoughts.
Ideas.

The basic connection needs we navigate every single day.

I know who I want around me.
I know who I am drawn to.

That supported my decision when credentials were almost equal.

I went into each consultation with my best foot forward. Literally, the non-torn ACL foot forward. I brought my trusty inky Sharpie and a brand new bound notebook filled with questions.

As prepared as I was, so were these surgeons. They covered an incredible amount of information and sent me home with detailed printouts. I was able to express my perfect world outcomes and goals, then come back to reality through their straightforward explanations.

Processing Time

There is denial.
A wreckage of routine.
Denial again.

Superhero thoughts that maybe I do not need an ACL.

The denial forms in feeling too.

My knee feels fine.
It is not swollen.
I can fully extend it.
I can bend it equally to my right leg.

I am still doing all of my workouts except skiing, which I am too worried about. Pilates. Barre. Peloton. Lifting. Pacing my classroom. Cleaning my house. Carrying laundry upstairs. I did advice my surgeon and physical therapist and gained knowledge to keep the knee safe.

My knee is playing a fake-out.

Yet it is not in recovery.
It is in a state of still time.

Not progressing forward.
Not progressing backward.

Personal choice for me, I want back to full sport. The sports I partake in now and maybe some I do not even know about yet.

I want an ACL.

I decided I do not want to be a “coper.” I want to be broken down and built back up to full capacity.

In the grand scheme of time, this is a blip. Or at least I hope it is. If I am lucky, I will resurrect my being as many times as needed.

I say that spiritually.

Post-divorce.
Post self-discovery.
Post inner work.

I have blossomed many times already, and I will blossom as many times as God intends my soul to do so.

The Cleanse

Crying. Crying is ok.

Those tears mourn the known. The routine. The fear. They wash away uncertainty. External sweating of internal anguish to make space for the new.

It is invigorating.
It is motivating.
It is healing.

I cried twice. In my car. And at the gym.

Afterward, I felt stronger.
Ready for my comeback.

I have never undergone a change that did not ultimately change my life for the good. People. Places. Self-trust.

Growth has always come from the cleanse and the repair.

Until post-surgery…

🌅 Hanging By a Sunrise